Welcome Back to the Show, Nicole!
In light if our current culture and climate, this year especially, we needed to bring in the big guns and have Nicole talk us off the ledge. Election year, multiple social justice movements, relationships being tested over COVID. The list goes on and on and the gaps between people have never felt wider. Nicole is on the show to help us with bullying, number one, and then in teaching tolerance, kindness and remembering where it’s important to put our energy. Seriously, this is a reminder episode for all of us. It’s what we need to hear and put into practice, so we can teach those values to our kids.
What Actually is Bullying?
There are 4 types of bullying: social, emotional, physical, and cyber
There’s a difference between being mean and being a bully. Bullying is intentional and repetitive. They have been asked to stop, and they don’t and it keeps going knowing that it is causing harm. They know what they’re doing. If someone calls you a name, you ask them to stop and they stop- not bullying- just being mean. Often times bullying also has an imbalance of power- physically in size, boys against girl, race against another race, social status, etc.
We can be sad about this, or we can do something about it. We are action takers, so let’s go to work, mama!
Teaching Our Kids
Our kids need to know the difference of bullying and being mean, AND they need to know the tools necessary to deal with bullying. Nicole has a huge list of anti-bullying resources, many listed below for you to use!
Kids also need to know that you live in a zero tolerance for bullying home. As a family, you are against this. And that means, if they see it, they need to find an adult and advocate for their friend so someone doesn’t get hurt.
Asking for Help
Something Evie has run into when reporting a problem, is the teachers not following through or caring. So what is the difference between tattling and reporting a problem that needs adult help? If someone is about to get very hurt, physically or emotionally, it needs to be reported, especially if you tried to solve the problem on your own. If you are telling just to get someone in trouble and you haven’t tried to solve the problem, or use your tools, it’s most likely tattling.
So what happens when the adult chooses not to listen? You go to the next adult higher up, then higher up, the media if needed. Our kids have a right to a safe education- and if that is not being offered, time to intervene and make it happen.
Also remember, bullying is learned and its about power. Kids that are bullying others, see it happen OR they were bullied and see that power and then want to hold that power over others like it was for them. Someone in the bully’s life is bullying them.
How is this getting stronger as we are more virtual in our daily life? Not only are they online more, social media, etc. they are play
THNK METHOD: We THINK (true, helpful, insightful, necessary, kind) before we speak. Is what we’re about to say or type to someone following these bullets?
Time to monitor. We don’t need to be on top of them, but we need to know what they’re saying. We need to listen to their online chats while playing games, review their Zoom/Google chats during school time, read their texts/emails, etc. We need to be in the zone with them and then pointing out things we see and asking them their thoughts and modeling how to handle some of these trickier situations
Living this in an Election Year
As someone with young kids, this year has been interesting. I want my kids to maintain their innocence and faith in people. Why would anyone be so mean to each other? They have no idea why someone with white skin would hurt someone with black skin still in 2020. I want to teach my kids about their privilege and recognizing that privilege, while not ruining their outlook on the world and I hate that, but it’s necessary. Families of color all over the world don’t have the luxury of sweeping it under the rug, so I need to step up and do the same.
When we see injustices, hate, unkindness- we say something and model speaking and standing up.
Handling the Different Opinions
One, we can recognize the difference of opinions and completely respect that. That can be tolerated. The hate and nastiness is not something that is welcome in my life, and that needs to be deleted. Hide those people on social media, don’t watch the news if it’s too much, and don’t engage. You get to use your voice and VOTE, but you don’t have to be crippled with anxiety and stress with the rest. Protect yourself.
Hate is LOUD, oppressive, and bold. Kindness can be loud too-so let’s be majorly bold with our kindness and make up for the hate that’s going into the world. Give back, do something good for the world, pour into your community and live your life with that kindness lens and keep your mental health safe.
Have you seen the challenge of parents showing kids a picture of someone with special needs or deformities and telling them it’s their new teacher? Not okay. It’s gone viral as something funny and teaching our kids to be scared of these REAL people who’s photos are being used in this “challenge”. Immediately teaching our kids that differences are either scary or funny- what is happening.
Seeing this? Say something. Don’t just scroll past. Commit to saying something- can be very kind in how you say it, but stand up. Be that model for your kids.
CONNECT WITH NICOLE AND SAY HI!
Facebook Group: The Raising Kind Kids Movement: where you can find the sibling kindness help!
The Only 2 Family Rules You’ll Need (explanation of how it works and printables)
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