In this episode, Christy and I are really going deep into helping your family get on the same page as one another. How to narrow in on your family values and then use those values to craft your family’s mission statement. This is a must listen for anyone that’s feeling a little disjointed and out of sync in their home and want to get things back on track in having a joyful home!
Get Ready to Strengthen Your Family with Christy Keating!
Mom of two and former lawyer, Christy Keating, is now coaching parents, speaking, and holding workshops to help parents show up in the most heartful way they can for their families. She is on a mission to help families be on the same page, work together as a unit, and make change for the better when it comes to identifying specific issues or areas of growth. Christy works with many families over weeks of coaching calls and helps them craft a plan that is going to be the best for taking action on change. I love her individualized approach since each family and their challenges are unique!
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Why would I work with a parenting coach?
We usually have no problems hiring a personal trainer or business coach, so why is there a question that we would hire someone to help us be better parents? We aren’t born as good parents. It’s something we need to work at constantly. Theres a piece of accountability and self reflection that needs to happen thats necessary for change that we aren’t always willing to do on our own. We know how to eat healthy and exercise…but do we do it? Usually not! Parenting is the same.
Common parenting issues Christy sees
Parents come to Christy when their child is doing something they can’t figure out like sibling rivalry, tantrums, emotional regulation in older kids, etc. It’s hard because all of those issues trigger something inside of you usually, and feel like a rollercoaster ride that never ends. We just don’t have the tools in their toolbox for everything. Often times Christy’s clients come to her for issues they think are their kids, but it’s about them and how they’re parenting. Helping change the response (like immediately yelling with frustration) or feeling out of control, etc. Self care, systems, connections and boundaries are all things often discussed during a coaching call.
Crafting a Family Mission Statement
The grounding piece of the puzzle when it comes to growing and connecting as a family unit. This statement is the commonality of your family, and even as the individuals as the family.
First, sit down with your partner and ask “where do we want to be as a family in the future?” Looking forward helps with that connection and living with core common values. What do you want your relationship to look like with your spouse in 20 years? What do you want your relationship with your kids to look like? What gifts do we want to give our kids (gifts meaning- kindness, independence, empathetic, etc.). What qualities, skills and values do we want our kids leaving our house with? Think and verbalize all those things with your partner and make a big old brain dump as your first step. Looking toward the future helps us parent NOW in the present to help us reach those goals. For example, if we want our kids to be able to do laundry when they leave the house…we need to teach them how to do laundry before they leave.
How to Decide on Your Values
I totally envision sitting down with Ryan and looking at each other and saying…”so whats your values?!” Not productive haha! Everyone’s values are totally different! Sit down and think about what values tend to guide your decisions and actions out in the world. Christy has a couple different lists of value words and Brene Brown’s new book, Dare to Lead, has a smaller list of about 100 inside which seems to be less overwhelming!
Start identifying your top 1o values as yourself, then go down to values as a partnership and as a family. Christy suggests kiddos to be around age 8 to really understand how to participate and why it’s important.
Then you ready for it…get the list down to 2! Whoa. When you go out into the world and make decisions about how to behave as an overall human…you can’t remember a list of 10, but you can remember 2. Kids can also keep 2 things in their minds also! Take a month or couple weeks of date nights and family meetings to do this work and narrow these values down to add to your mission statement.
Word of the Year
Once your family is done with your mission statement and really narrowing down on those individual and family values, it’s time to pick a family word of the year. Value words guide decisions we make. The word of the year is the idea of where we want to put our energy for the year- fun, health, connection, wealth. Love that distinction. Every year you get to identify something consistent with those values but still guide where they put their energy and focus in.
Comment below if you choose your values or word of the year! I’d love to hear it!
Go Connect with Christy and Say Hi!
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