Episode 62: How to Get Your Kids to Freaking Listen with Hilary and Ty Krueger

Memories in Moments

November 12, 2019

What is currently making you want to bang your head against the wall when it comes to your kids’ behavior right now? Whining? Not listening? Sibling drama? Homework? Chances are if there’s an issue, I talked about it with today’s guest, Hilary and Ty Krueger of the Behavior Change Collective! These parenting gurus are full of tips that have completely changed the way I handle behaviors in my own home and I can’t wait for you to learn from them too!

Listen below or head on over to iTunesSpotify, or Stitcher!

Say Hello to Your New Parenting Besties, Hilary and Ty Krueger!

Behavior Change Collective- a dream of these Wisconsin parents of 3 littles! Ty is educated in this idea of behavior change and worked with kids with autism for years. Wanting to create more impact and resources for parents with kids with many behavior challenges and changes, he and Hilary created the Behavior Change Collective.

The Facebook Group: Behavior Change Collective Parents

The safe community Ty and Hilary have created as a place for parents to come share, vent, discuss and ask questions about the behaviors they’re struggling with in their family. Decreasing tantrums, building family expectations, easy transitions, picky eating, toileting and expanding play and social skills are their jam! Who doesn’t need an expert in their lives when it comes to these common issues we always struggle with?

How else would you work with them? One on one coaching to really zero in on certain issues and behaviors that need changing.

Their Behavior Change course, System to Listen, is simple framework of proven tools allowing you to gain control of your kids behavior and bring more joy into your home. In this course you will go from feeling like your kids’ behavior is out of control with nobody listening and in constant survival mode, to feeling prepared and confident with clear and simple tools that will bring everyone in your family on the same page.  You will experience less time yelling and more time together doing the things you love with them. Score! More details are coming January/February!

a plug and play course that you can take in one night in the comfort of your home! Plug in your behavior and get instant action steps to take the next morning to start changing that unwanted behavior!

I asked my own Facebook group, Memories in Moments Insiders, what parenting issues they’re dealing with and boy did they roll in! I decided this episode would be best to be Q&A style since a bunch of common issues kept coming in!

Whining. It’s driving me crazy. How can we stop the whining?

Whining= behavior and when we think of whining as a behavior, we can think of a solution for it. Behavior is a form of communication, so step back and figure out what the behavior of whining is communicating. Are they whining because they’re tired? Overwhelmed? Bored? Wanting to do something independently? Doing something they don’t want to do?

How to stop it? Create a set of family expectations. What are the expectations or rules of our family? Be honest, hands to self, give our best and full effort, do what mom and dad asks, etc. What are yours? Have a family meeting and let your kids participate in creating this list.

Behavior Charts- a sticker chart to use when kids are and aren’t doing the family expectations.

Behavior Chart: Getting Started

  1. Set the family expectations
  2. Start with 3- 3 boxes: 3 chances that day for them to get their reward. This created momentum and buy in- they can easily earn their token that first day and see what it feels like and then you’ve got their attention
  3. Find the motivator- or token (an exchange for something they are excited about getting)
  4. Move up to 6 squares and see if they earn it the next couple days- if not, go back to 3 and keep those wins coming!
  5. Possible tokens: trip to the park, movie night, special cereal, bike ride with mom, a dollar bin toy- something they don’t get everyday- it’s special

How Can I Get My Kids to Listen?!

This is my number one struggle and the behavior I want to change most in my house! Getting to the heart of listening- in their head, they’re thinking “whats in this for me?” If I don’t do this, how is that going to effect me? Which consequence is worse? Listening to mom and not getting in trouble or continuing to do the fun thing and maybe get in trouble.

Go back to the sticker chart or remove them from the situation and follow through. You HAVE to follow through or else the pattern of not listening gets worse and worse. Remind them that listening is an expectation and if they don’t they’ll lose a sticker or they have to go home. Continue rewarding good listening also!

My kids is angry and can get physical. How can I stop this?

This comes from big emotions, and the kids that will hit or get physical, are lacking in emotional or coping skills. Deep breaths, cool down time, listening to music; anything that can lengthen the fuse and buy us sometime between anger and the hitting. The times to build these coping skills and when they are calm. Have a conversation with them and ask them what makes them feel better when they become upset or mad. Help them come up with some ideas- deep breaths, taking a walk, squeezing a stress ball, etc. Giving them some control to buy into the changing and see it as a tool for helping them become a happier person.

Also, be very aware of their triggers. What is usually setting them off and making them angry? Can you cut it off before it happens or escalates?

Homework Battles

Have a visual schedule- very detailed so they know exactly what’s going to happen. You come home, you take your shoes off, you get a snack, you get 15-20 minutes, and then its homework time. Stick to the same routine and don’t waiver from it so its consistent and reliable for them.

Negative Outlook and Anxiety

How do we navigate this when they don’t have the language to explain how they feel? Preparation. You need to prep them for situations that are coming. What is coming first, next, last. The unknown is the number one trigger for anxiety.

CONNECT WITH THE KRUEGERS AND SAY HI!

Behavior Change Collective: take the Parenting Enneagram Quiz!

Facebook: Book a Call with Hilary and Ty!

Facebook Group: Behavior Change Collective Parents

Instagram

Please SUBSCRIBE to the show, SHARE with your friends, and leave a REVIEW! This helps get the show in front of even more mamas, and allows me to get awesome guests who are going to blow your mind!

Head on over to my free Facebook group, Memories in Moments Insiders! There you’ll find additional resources to support each episode, more information on guests and how you can connect with them, visual and video tutorials, and best of all, connection as we navigate parenting and making memories together!

JOIN THE FACEBOOK GROUP!

SHOW SPONSORS

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Pin for Later!

The Behavior Change Collective shares their tips for getting kids to listen, stop whining and how to change unwanted behaviors in your home in this episode.

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